Mission Down South

Oral Sex can be fun, but there’s more to it than us girls acting like we’re bobbing for apples!

There’s never anything worse than giving head to a guy who doesn’t appreciate the skill and effort that goes into it. I mean it’s not called a blow job for nothing right? Giving a guy a blow job is hard work! Men it’s important that you understand the intricacies of everything that’s going on when we are down there.

About a year ago a friend of mine *Lara, said she’d given up giving head due to a loss of control over her gag reflex while she was going to work on her man “I threw up all over him. Because he literally forced my head down as though the back of my throat doesn’t exist!” Now Lara’s boyfriend’s blowjobs no longer exist.

I’ve gotten off lightly with my experiences (namely because I do not do it-ok, that’s a lie but my men have been kind) but for some ladies like Lara that’s not the case.

When it comes to oral sex faux pas from the fella’s, the ‘hand on the back of the head force it down her throat move’ is one of the worst. Yes, guys called Gunther may do it in those hardcore Swedish porno flicks your best mate bought in Stockholm but standard non porn women do not dig this manoeuvre. So gents never, ever push your woman’s face so far into your crotch that you end up like Lara’s man. A gentle tap on the head is fine, an almighty shove is not!

Slightly less annoying than the hand on the head move (but still highly irritating) is the lack of sympathy for lock jaw. “I’d like to see a man keep his mouth wedged open for 15 minutes straight without needing a break” is the atypical complaint of quite a few women. Guys, all you need to do is look down every now and then and say “Sweetheart would you like a breather?” If your girl nods mutely with a slightly frozen look around the jaw-line (think LA housewives botox job) then you better believe its times to switch from mouth to hand (just a brief intermission men nothing to worry about). We understand that you sometimes get lost in the moment but have a heart. Your girlfriend still needs to be able to chew, speak and generally use her mouth for other things.

Then there’s the “I’ll stand up with my hands behind my head like I’m master of the universe’ move. No gents. Do not attempt to do this. It’s never good. It’s always arrogant and there’s no need for your woman to start acting like some submissive throw back geisha girl! Most of the time we will be thinking “what a prat”!

Oral sex can be a massive amount of fun. Whether you are the giver, the receiver or involved in a two for one 69 pleaser, sensitivity is key. When you are on the receiving end, just relax, be gracious. If it’s not the perfect velocity or firmness do not start manipulating your mates head like a marionette doll. Gently tell her afterwards “That was great babe but perhaps next time you could….” Win-win. She’ll know what changes to make and you get an amped up oral treat next session. Alls fair in love and head.

Remember safety first, always wear a condom.

Going down tips

• Keep a glass of water by the bed for dry throats. Blow jobs can be thirsty work.
• Flavoured gels can make it a little more tasty for your woman
• If she’s not up for it do not push the blow job issue. Because there’s always another woman who will be if it’s that important.
• Make it fun ice cream, mints and chocolate spread. Tasty, and can give you guys a heightened oral sex experience.

Words by Mary Bello